Kodie the Brave

Big Announcement: Today I killed a hobo spider.

I am not a spider-killer by profession for a good reason--spiders are creepy. So usually when I see a spider I call Chris to kill it. If he's not here, then I go far away from the spider, pretending it doesn't exist. However, when I saw a hobo spider in my kids' outdoor toy box, I knew I had to act. The thought of the hobo mistaking my children's hands as spider food was terrifying. So I grabbed the closest available weapon, a plastic purple child-size garden hoe, and tried bludgeoning the thing. Here's something you may not know: Hobos are very fast spiders. The creature was zipping all around the box, over balls and bats and through toy trucks. I chased it with my hoe, screaming the entire time, but to no avail. So I ran to the garage, grabbed some insect poison and began dousing it. It would not die. Finally, about half a gallon of bug spray later, it started to slow. I decided I would have to go for the spider squash. I hate squishing bugs, because often they have a Lazarus-like quality. Just when you think they're dead and your screams have subsided, Bam! Up they pop. But I gathered up every last morsel of courage, and squished that spider. Eeewww! I still have goose bumps.

I have conquered the spider. And the toy box is once again safe. That is, it will be safe once the gallon of poison dries....