"Children," I announced at dinner, "tonight we are going to play Pippi Longstocking."
You see for a week our family has been cycling through which family member gets to lay on the couch with a Sprite and a garbage can by their side, watching countless hours of television, and moaning about tummy aches. As a mother of young children, this is always an exciting week, which allows me to play a game known as "Dodge the Vomit." However, the downside is, if you lose at this game repeatedly, you also lose your sanity. I find it is better not to play and allow my husband to take my place. But here was the kicker--hubby was out of town on business.
So after a week of losing Dodge the Vomit, and after a week of being quarantined to my home, I was looking for ways to spice up my life and also clean my kitchen floor. My cheapy grocery store mop died after only three years, and I keep forgetting to purchase a new one. This means I either have to mop on my hands or knees or avoid mopping my floor altogether. This choice, being a no-brainer, meant my floor was encrusted in squashed food messes.
"How are we going to play Pippi Longstocking?" McKay asked sweetly.
"We are going to mop the floor like Pippi!"
"Yeah!" McKay declared. "Hurry everyone and eat faster!"
"Do you have enough scrub brushes to tie to everyone's feet?" Parker asked.
"I'll see what I can find."
Makenna, our neighbor, was eating dinner with us. "Wow, I haven't been over for awhile. I forgot what your house was like."
After dinner I gathered sponges and scrub brushes, poured some soapy water on the floor, and let the kids have at it.
All was going well, so I soon left the kids to their soapy fun, and went to take care of Deacon, who was taking his turn on the couch that day. After that I remembered an email I needed to take care of, and then I remembered I needed to renew my library books online, which reminded me that I would actually like to sit on the couch and read for awhile. Which I did. While ignoring the children. Even while I heard the sink turn on and more water being dumped on the floor. I just kept reading and ignoring. Even after Makenna asked, "How are we supposed to get all this water and soap up anyway?" I just said, "Use some towels," and went right on ignoring. I'm pretty good at ignoring. It may be the most special talent I possess, but I hate to brag when others just aren't as good at it as I am.
About two hours later, long after the kids had tired of playing Pippi Longstocking, I tucked my kiddos in bed, and checked on the kitchen.
Wow, the floor looks really clean, I thought. Then I went to bed.
The next morning when I went downstairs my laminate flooring was warped and starting to peel up a little--very clean, but very unattractive.
This is what I have learned from the experience. 1. Do not attempt to clean flooring after losing at Dodge the Vomit. 2. Write "mop" on grocery list. 3. Pippi Longstocking is actually a fictional character. This is why she could clean her floor by tying scrub brushes to her feet and skating acrossed it. This is also why she kept a horse on the patio, outsmarted policemen, and had a cannibal king for a father. I am not fictional. I am real. And now my kitchen floor really bugs me.
